| moved. |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|10:40 am] |
again, just in case you missed it:
i am now located at:
www.livejournal.com/~carcrashfunny.
i added all y'all, so i'd love it if you added me back.
there's actually an entry there now and everything! |
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| moving day. |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|10:43 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "rise up with fists!!" jenny lewis | ] |
on a whim, it seems i have virtually relocated:
http://www.livejournal.com/~carcrashfunny.
there's nothing there yet, but there will be. i promise.
i added everyone on my current list (save for old defunct journals), so yeah. add me back?
so long, allstardork. it's been real. |
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| waiting for you to call me up and tell me i'm not alone |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|03:08 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "somebody to shove" soul asylum | ] |
wow. winter break has been a blur of work and crunk, despite my best intentions. school starts next week (WTF?!) and i haven't accomplished anything. not that i should, but there was some stuff i was going to do, like take care of my internship applications and stuff. fuck, i haven't even gotten around to doing the dishes within the past three days.
last night was wacky. i came back from work with the intention of watching tv, cleaning, and going to bed. instead, i stumbled upon a mini-party in my dorm. one drink turned into several, and around two am the party relocated and we had a sleepover, complete with a we're-still-kind-of-drunk morning. good times.
and tonight, a dollar theatre movie. fantastic.
my dad manages to stress me out like no other. five minutes on the phone with him and i'm slightly tweaking. meh.
and i need a nap. |
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| say wha?? |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|12:25 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  surprised | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | food network | ] |
OMGWTF.
somehow i managed to get 4.0s in all of my classes last semester.
(4.0s are my school's equivalent of As, i don't know why we use a number grade system.)
ha, i have no idea how THAT happened.
anyway.
new year's eve was grood.
new year's day was grood. i barely left the couch. fantastic.
and today i will go shopping and erranding.
sounds good.
hope y'all are having fun. |
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| i found a fatal flaw in the logic of love and went out of my head. |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|12:52 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "gone for good" the shins | ] |
my relationship is depressing. it has essentially consisted of the same phone conversation and the same weekend together repeated over and over again for nearly a year. i realized this tonight.
there's always upswings and there's always downswings, but things have been so low lately that i don't really know where to go. i don't know why this is happening now, of all times. i should be fondly reminiscing about this-time-last-year; instead i'm just sad.
at least i think i'm sad. it's too dragging to be panic or anxiety, too quiet to be anger. dissapointment, maybe? that this isn't as big a deal as i want it to be? something like that.
i think i am focusing too much on what has changed. not just in regard to me and him but in the broader context of the people i know. everyone's shifted, it's hard to witness.
i have no idea what i'm doing for new year's and even that is bothering me a lot more than it should. i've had two good new year's eves in a row and i'll be dissapointed to see that streak end if nothing follows through.
there's just always some reason that pulls me through, into another day, week, month. i keep my view so small, i stomach this one day at a time because that's all i can do. the larger picture validates nothing. maybe these increments are worthless.
things will get better? |
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| does this party of two have you slightly confused? |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|04:21 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "together we'll ring in the new year" motion city soundtrack | ] |
my big accomplishment last night was getting really, really shitfaced and breaking my cell phone. like, it snapped in half. oops. i've been wanting a new one for awhile anyway, so it's not all bad. i now have a cute little camera phone. nothing spectacular, but i like it.
i got to go to taco john's today, and i will hopefully see brokeback (bareback, ahaha) mountain tonight. it's about goddamned time.
christmas was fine, i received much-needed cash and some books i'd been wanting, amongst other things. i'm glad to be out of my parents' house, that's for damn sure.
sidenote: i can't believe they're actually making a horror movie based on the "the calls are coming from inside the house!" premise. i mean, come on. i saw a commercial for the movie and i thought for sure it was going to be a joke. in fact, i think it would make a pretty good geico commercial, and now whenever i see it i'm pretty dissapointed that it's not a geico commercial. but i digress.
i go back to work tomorrow after two mostly unproductive days off. it had damn well better slow down, i hate working when it's busy. i also hate constantly being stuck with the closing shift, but whatev. at least we're not on holiday hours anymore.
new year's resolution: spend less time on the phone drunk and yelling. |
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| 2,000 miles from all i know, i'm so much better off today. |
[Dec. 23rd, 2005|12:45 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "how i spent my summer vacation" the ataris | ] |
being at home (parents' house home, just to clarify) is really depressing. it's been awhile since i've stayed here for a significant amount of time and already i can feel myself getting sad. it stems from a lot of things--nostalgia, the bland creepiness of the suburbs, my dad's asshole tendencies and my mom's attempts to make up for it. i don't feel like myself here. well, i do, but i feel like fourteen year old me, the one without any friends who spent her friday nights alone in her room watching television and writing shitty poems, or something even more cliche.
still, i feel obligated to be here, because my mom wants me to be. she's the one reason i like being here, but she takes it personally when it becomes evident that i don't like being here. and it's not her fault at all, she tries so hard, it pretty much breaks my heart. i'm so conflicted, because i want to be here for her but at the same time i can't be. here in the tangible sense, at least.
i feel disconnected. i tried calling a few people and missed a call or two and as a result didn't get to hang out with anyone tonight. bummer. there were people i would've liked to see.
i don't know. i should go to sleep so i don't feel so lonely. |
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| i don't think that i have got the stomach to stomach calling you today. |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|01:55 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | dirty | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "see you" saves the day | ] |
break has thus far been alternately mildly debaucherous/extensively low-key. since thursday, two all-nighters have been pulled (one involving liquor and a stolen portrait, the other involving gambling and a mad dash to the airport). consequently, two sleep-until-late-afternoon-and-do-absolutely-nothing days have occurred. oh well. it's not like i have anything better to do, though when i really think about the fact that i only left my apartment today to get a sub at erbert and gerbert's and rent a season of sex and the city i feel pretty lame.
i won fifty dollars off a nickel slot last night. not bad considering i only brought ten dollars to gamble with.
as of tomorrow night i'll be at my parents' house until monday or so. there's really no reason i need to stay there, save for the fact that my mom really wants me to occupy our newly christened "guest room" (my sister just moved into my ex-room, which i don't really care about seeing as i haven't lived at home since the summer after freshman year but still, it's a little weird.) but yeah, i'm not really looking forward to it. my dad will remind me of everything i'm currently doing wrong and my mom will make me feel guilty for not staying longer. and they still have dial-up. not cool.
whenever i go home i inevitably see at least ten people i graduated with at the mall. my high school's not tiny; neither is the town. it's weird, and it leads to many awkward situations involving me pretending i don't see people. gah. i can't stand that post-graduation faux-sincerity that always comes up in those situations. you didn't talk to me for four years, there's no need to talk to me now. and i'm not even being bitter about that, i really don't care.
another eight-hour shift at work tomorrow, gag. nothing inspires a hatred for the holidays quite like working forty hours the week of christmas.
i guess i should get to bed. because i really exerted myself today. or not. |
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| attic in the basement. |
[Dec. 14th, 2005|12:43 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | playlist |
| | "the owls go" architecture in helsinki | ] |
architecture in helsinki makes these dreadful gray days meaningful in an indie-flick way; as if my drives to work are the opening credit scenes that, while being mildly inconsequential, still serve to set up something better, a major plotline.
plotline hotline has a nice sound to it but i don't know what it could be used for. band name, maybe?
set up something better. hopefully that's what these last few days/weeks have been doing. break will be good, despite all the work i will be doing. it will just be a relief to not have to think for awhile.
my algebra final is tomorrow and i don't really care. i could not take it and still get a 3.0 in the class. however, it would be stupid to pass on an easy 4.0 so i'll be there tomorrow morning, striving to get at least a 92% to maintain said 4.0.
my argumentation final was today and i didn't really care. if i'm lucky, i got at least a 3.0. if i'm not, then whatever.
in my head, next semester seems much easier, course-wise, but i know once i get there it'll be the same amount of work, if not more. but i'm not going to think about that right now.
a lot of people from my high school are really pretty stupid. because i said that, someone from my high school will see this. not really though. and they'd all have negative things to say about me, that i'm self-important and conceited and shallow and probably quite stupid myself, but who cares. everyone can just think everyone else is stupid, thus validating their opinions about other people and discrediting those other people's opinions in one fell swoop. not bad.
i understand wanting to do well during college but i don't understand people who wholly immerse themselves in their studies. because usually they're all like "i came here to learn, and that's it" but there's more to learning than the contents of textbooks. let's try honing those social/people/networking skills, hey? no one's going to want to hire you if you're socially awkward to the extent where you can't take it down a notch when necessary. i'm not saying that the honing of those skills requires a rigorous round of keg stands or anything like that; certainly not. just...get out once in a goddamn while. you have middle age and everything after to be holed up in your living space every night of the week. not to mention that i know plenty of people with thriving social lives and exceptional GPAs.
don't know where that tangent came from. fuck, i should go to bed. |
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